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ANECDOTES about ELEANOR BERRY by Rozanne Robinson, a freelance jounalist
THIS COULD BE DEMPSTER FODDER
British Airways anecdote. WWW
Berry is devoted to children, and to keep them happy, she sometimes gives them small sums of money to do jobs for her.
She and her nephews were travelling on a British Airways flight to Nice, yesterday. Because she wants her books to be sold on the Internet as well as the shops, she had a large stock of cards printed, stating her website address, which, incidentally is www.eleanorberry.net
Berry and her nephews boarded the plane. The nephews worked a great deal harder than Berry. They left the cards in all the lavatories and went up and down the aisles, distributing them to irritated passengers.
The cabin staff, who were handed some of these cards, recognized the name on them and found out who Berry was.
Doting, proud and indulgent aunt, and loyal nephews, filed out of the plane when it landed at Nice.
The pilot, a humourless, pompous, bored veteran of the sky, touched Berry on the arm and took her aside.
"It was such an honour to have you flying with us on British Airways, WWW," he said, with uncalled for sarcasm.
Conflicts with British Airways.
Berry can't bear airports, not because she's afraid of flying, but because smoking is forbidden on planes. She also can't bear the ear-grating announcements over the tannoys.
British Airways staff don't like Berry and Berry can't bear British Airways staff, and she only flies with them because their flights are at convenient times.
Unlike other passengers, who have turned up on time for their flights, there has been only one isolated occasion when Berry herself has been denied access to her flight. The majority of these travellers, turned away when they have turned up, don't protest. Why? Because they are British. They are cowardly. They hate making scenes. (Bloody lucky these nurds weren't around in World War Two)
Last Good Friday, Berry arrived at Heathrow Airport in good time. A uniformed woman told her there was no room on the flight, when she had booked it three months in advance.
As Berry was asked to stand aside, she heard that there wasn't room for most of the other passengers who had booked early.
Berry is capable of being a disruptive and almost professional rabble-rouser.
She leant over the counter to the uniformed British Airways staff member and placed her mouth to her ear. Sometimes, quietly spoken words are stronger than hysterical shouts.
Said Berry, boring her eyes into the uniformed woman's, and holding her arm lightly, just above the elbow:
"This is the last time I'm going to warn you. If you don't let me travel on this flight, shall I tell you what I'll do?"
"Well, what will you do?" Her listener's only sign of nervousness was the compulsive fiddling with her hair.
"I'll tell you. (Voice still very low.) If you deny me access to this flight, I shall circulate round this room, and I shall rouse every single person here into bombastic and tumultuous song. I am as yet unsure whether I have made my threat clear."
The uniformed woman looked stressed. She had no idea whether Berry was a maker of empty threats, or whether she was determined.
She didn't speak.
Berry did what she said she was going to do. (That's something she always does.) She walked from frustrated stranded passenger to stranded passenger, making conducting movements.
"Right, everybody," she called out. "We're going to sing "We Shall Not Be Moved". Not only that, we're going to sing it very loudly. Altogether, now one, two, three!"
Berry began to sing and one or two of the surprised, and angry travellers, sang with her.
The uniformed woman bounded from her desk and ran towards Berry.
"Oh, Miss Berry. We're so sorry. We're going to put you on this plane. We really do apologise. All I ask is that you don't sing!"
She gripped Berry's hand in a bone-crushing handshake, like someone drowning, clinging to a helper's hand for life. Berry forced her hand to lie limp. She was repelled by the sudden change, to sycophantic behaviour and by the misery caused to the lives of others.
The woman tried to meet Berry's eyes and was effusive with nauseating glowing smiles. These were lost on Berry, who glared grimly into space.
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