"Mr and Mrs Brown took between fifteen and nineteen minutes to consummate
their marriage.
"`Is it your intention to sponge down your private parts on the bidet
provided?' enquired Mr Brown, in the chivalrous and courteous manner to which
he was predictably and invariably accustomed.
"`I feel bound to reply in the negative,' responded the equally courteous Mrs
Brown. `I am somewhat fatigued by the taxing, but by no means unpleasant
activity in which we have just indulged, and furthermore, I most earnestly desire
our nuptial odours and secretions to remain upon my fulfilled and, dare I say,
satiated person.'
"`Would you mind were I to extinguish the light?' enquired Mr Brown.
Mrs Brown was unexpectedly struck by a most disagreeable onset of nausea
and accompanying extreme palor.
"`You need not concern yourself, most, beloved Samantha-Anne,' responded
the ever endearing, caring, overtly courteous Mr Brown. `I shall endeavour to
equip you with an appropriate precautionary receptacle.'
"`Oh, Cuthbert, I am most assuredly indebted to you for your most worthy
consideration and condescension.'
"Cuthbert was unable to locate the aforesaid receptacle.
"`What are you engaged in doing, Cuthbert, if I might be so bold as to
enquire?'
"`I am endeavouring to institute a most comprehensive, and dare I say, all-
encompassing search for an appropriate precautionary receptacle.'"

Mrs Beddington snapped the exercise book shut, and laid it on her desk. "That is
not the manner in which English is written in my school," she said, in an acid
tone.